dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
