I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
