$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
