I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
