So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
