Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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