your parents love me but you hate me
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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