I wish my penis had an off switch
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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