Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
