Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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