they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
MIDGETS
????
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
