checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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