Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
