I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
