May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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