i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am available for nakedness
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
