I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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