i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
