I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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