Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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