Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
