you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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