Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
