She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
