I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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