his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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