I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Houston, we have a blender
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
