I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
