God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
