I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
