why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
