it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
