You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
