one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
