According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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