Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
