Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
