cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
