I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
