im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
