you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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