They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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