I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
