he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
