bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
