yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Did you just see the Batmobile???
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
