I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
