Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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