Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We have started to decorate penises.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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