if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
